Hello! How nice to see you again. Today, my thoughts on our current economic situation. Upon reading over 3,200 pieces of text, be it book, letter, memo, poem, novella, historical fiction novel, or scrap of paper, I have come to the conclusion that the fault of this situation lies in the terrible financial dealings with the dark God of blergs, Heeblen. Through his evil vessel, the simple-minded yet strong satyr, Jerglyn, he robbed the vaults of every bank in this country, soon setting himself up as the primo, numbero uno Robber Baron in the land. After much destruction was wrought upon the kingdom, he left and was never heard from again. 600 years later, we are where we are.
Now, after that, we need to discuss how to fix the problem. Well, it's simple. Invent a time machine, go back 600 years and kill Jerglyn before he is mind-melded by the evil Heeblen. (not a Vulcan) Then, come back here, let the current President, who might be a different person based on the space-time continuum or whatever, know that Jerglyn was killed, and then he will be authorized to send $798 heebrings to each citizen, who of course now all have hooves for feet. Darn the space-time continuum!
Your pal,
Jeremy
Photo evidence below.
